3 steps to taming the imposter syndrome beast

3 steps to taming the imposter syndrome beast3 steps to taming the imposter syndrome beastJust Google the term Imposter Syndrome and youll find hundreds of TEDTalks, articles, and blogs covering this well-documented, and much-explored human experience.The psychological feeling of being an imposter at work, at home, and even at play are rooted in deeply traumatic experiences like childhood emotional and physical abuse.Heavy things.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreAnd yet, despite these seriousmental healthchallenges, Ive seen the same articles advise just talking about the issue, and realizing youre notlage alone, as the cure.Let me be clear you are definitely not alone. But does the realization of not being the only one suffering from imposter syndrome make you feel any better?Knowing others are experiencingdepressiondoes not stop one from feeling depressed. It can help, and seek ing support is important, but it isnt going to magically stop it from happening. Lets explore what this phenomenon actually is and how to actually tame yur inner imposter.To Understand Imposter Syndrome, You First Need to Understand How Our Brains WorkThe documented percentage of individuals who experience imposter syndrome is around 70%, regardless of age, gender, race or occupation. I would hypothesize that the percentage is even higher. Why? Because we all have a disconnect between how we areperceivedby the outside world and how we perceive urselves. This discrepancy is not actually rooted in abuse or neglect, but in brain development.As early as 4 or 5 years old, children begin to notice the way friends, family, and other people view them is different from how they view themselves. This is when our internal self-concept begins to diverge from our external presentation of self.Our brain, as Anil Seth discusses in his TEDTalk on how our brains perceive reality, is a mass that is t rapped in a dark, enclosed skull. Its only access to the world is through our senses and body. Because of this, our brain is constantly trapped between previous ideas of self and new input which leaves us all feeling a little different on the inside than we do on the outside.Faking It Till You Make It Works If You Let ItAnother root of feeling like an imposter is that our brain copes with learning new identities by faking them until we can incorporate them into our self-concept. Basically, as we grow up, we begin to act like an adult. This is where the term adulting comes from.In high school, we try on different personalities and personas. Through our 20s we explore identities and careers and interests. We settle on some of them like getting married or getting a good job. The problem is that in general these experiences still feel and are perceived by our brain as just that,pretending.If we would rather be home on our couch eating take-out and playing video games, we label the choic e to be productive as not genuinely ourselves. This leaves us sitting in meetings saying to ourselves Wow if these people only knew that this morning I had two-week-old pizza for breakfast, they would not be listening to me lecture them about healthy, germ-free livingWe perceive the personas we wear in different social setting to be false fronts, instead of holistic aspects of an integrated self. And since we see them as false, we believe we are imposters.But fake it till you make it is actually a very healthy coping mechanism.When you fake it what youre really saying is Im unsure of my ability but Im going to jump in and try anyway. While this is helpful and gets us to expand our knowledge and learning, the parte of us that believes were faking lags behind.How to Tame the Imposter Syndrome Beast Step 1So how do we stop letting this experience rule our daily lives and begin to use it to ouradvantage? First, embrace the idea that everyone in the office, classroom, or war room has mul tiple identities. The Congressperson, executive, and teacher all go home and geek out overGame of Thrones.They were rejected by dates, humiliated by teachers and friends in childhood, and probably failed at a few things, too.None of these experiences mean that they are not competent to do their jobs, which means your previous experiences dont mean you are an imposter. As a therapist, I have the unique experience of having knowledge and skill that can help others to be successful, but I also have absolute understanding that I am only able to use those skills minimally myself.This does not change the power of using those skills. I have learned to employ my multiple self-states effectively in different environments and know that they are all part of who I am. My masks are not fake, they are simply different parts of me that inform each other and can be used in appropriate settings.Step 2Stop judging the part of yourself that feels inadequate. It is only one part of you, and it should b e there only to keep you humble, not ashamed.Step 3Finally, accept and the fact that the opinions of others are only tools for you to employ in your desire to grow. They are not the ultimate truth. I have suggested the Rule of One-Third to many people and try to live by it. In life, one-third of the people you know will tell you they love everything you do. One third will reject your ideas and actions with judgment and negativity. And one third do not care at all about what youre doing.Embrace the fact that a part of you will always exist that feels 15 years old, even when you are 65. A part of you will always feelinexperienced, even 20 years into asuccessful career. A part of you will always wonder if other people are hiding the same experiences you are behind their masks of competence, because the truth is, they are.This article first appeared on Capitol Standard.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people

How to Disagree Effectively in the Workplace

How to Disagree Effectively in the WorkplaceHow to Disagree Effectively in the WorkplaceDo you know how to disagree- effectively- with your colleagues, bosses, and coworkers? If so, you have an unusual skill, and you practice professional courage that few people in organizations exhibit. The most effective kollektivs and organizations regularly disagree about ideas, goals, strategies, and implementation steps. People inside of organizations are afraid to provoke conflict, and they dont want to get into an argument or disagreement that they cant manage. They fear public humiliation, damaging their professional brand in the eyes of the organization, being proven wrong, and rejection by their colleagues. It means that people who run organizations or departments, teams, or work groups mostly fail to get the best out of the people they hire and employ. Create a Culture that Honors Differences You need to create a culture that honors differences of opinion and varying points of view. P eople who feel rewarded and recognized for healthy disagreement are likely to disagree again. This environment must also provide safety for the employee who disagrees. It means that managers and meeting leaders need to know how to mediate conflicts. And, employees need to know how to participate effectively in disagreements. How, asks Margaret Heffernan, author and former CEO of five businesses, in her TED Talk, do we get good at conflict? She says that becoming good at conflict allows people to become creative and to solve problems. She asks, how do you begin to have conversations more easily and more often in organizations and make healthy disagreement a norm? In the example she used, a manager became more afraid of the damage that the silence on the management team was causing. He became more afraid of the silence then he was of disagreement. He determined to get better at disagreement, and he changed his approach. With commitment and practice, you can change the dynamics of your team. 5 Tips on Developing a Culture That Encourages Disagreement Earlier articles have talked about how to create a work culture and environment in which disagreement and conflict will become a healthy norm. They include steps such as Set clear expectations that conflict and disagreement are expected, respected, publicly recognized, and rewarded.If you are the leader of a team or department, examine whether you might be inadvertently discouraging disagreement by your words or actions. If they are incongruent with your stated expectations, you are stifling disagreement.Ask your team to add respectful disagreement to the groups norms.Make sure that executive compensation and other employee bonuses and profit sharing are tied to the success of the company as a whole and not to individual departments. Hire employees who appear to have skills in healthy disagreement and conflict resolution. You want people who can solve problems and problems are rarely solved without disagreement. Disagree With a Colleague While employees disagree in a variety of ways and settings, most frequently disagreement occurs during a meeting- of two employees or many. You can also disagree by email, IM, phone, Skype, and more today. But, disagreements are better in person as is most communication. The professionalism of your approach to disagreement is critical. A colleague who feels listened to, respected, and acknowledged is the outcome of a positive disagreement. When you disagree starting with acknowledging the strengths of your colleagues position, you start out on solid ground.Start out, also, with the points that you and your colleague agree about and build your case for the differences between your areas of agreement.No matter your job or department, when you disagree with a co-worker, you need to step away from your vested interests to understand his. The chances are that he feels as passionately about his approach as you do about yours. When you think about how to disag ree, recognize that you will totenstill work with this coworker every day. A compromise might be the answer. So might acknowledging that there are certain points that you will never agree on, so you may need to agree to disagree. Ask yourself, even if they are important points, are they worth sabotaging an overall solution? Normally- theyre not. A point comes when the organization needs to move forward- even with an imperfect solution. Once you agree on a solution, approach, or action plan, the key to organizational success is that the team or meeting members need to move past their need to disagree and support the final decision. It means exertingwhole-hearted commitment to making an effort succeed. Anything else sabotages the success of your organization.

4 ways to finally carve out more time for leisure reading

4 ways to finally carve out more time for leisure reading 4 ways to finally carve out more time for leisure reading You might love reading the news on your commute, but if not, chances are, you’ve hit a rough patch where you’ve had no time to read for fun. Here’s how to finally make time for leisure reading again.Listen while you workWhether you’re in the office or toiling away in a home workspace, you can always pop in some headphones and  listen to audiobooks or podcasts.So if you’re someone who is able to get work done while listening to a great story or discussion, this could be  a good way to inject your day with written words or dialogue that inspire you. Also be sure to keep tabs on any books or authors you want to check out so that you’re more motivated to seek out something fun to read or listen to.But if that doesn’t work for you, you could always do this instead …Read while on a break from workTake your favorite novel along in your bag or backpack when you leave for work, or bring a tablet to read digital books when you have a free moment.You could always take a little t ime for a break during the day and read somewhere else other than your desk - whether that’s in a conference room, the cafeteria, a local coffee shop or a nearby park.  Just be sure to set a timer in case you get lost in your book!Enjoy a story during your commuteThere’s no better way to escape other people’s phone calls and conversations than with a book, audiobook or podcast.This can really help lighten the mood when other people are coughing all over you  on the train or bus (and you really don’t want to get sick) or demonstrating other bad commuter etiquette. So instead of focusing on how annoying - or grumpy - other people can be on your commute, pay attention to the book or podcast.Maybe, just maybe, witnessing rudeness in the morning - like on your commute - doesn’t always have to ruin the rest of your day if you’re engrossed in a good story or conversation.Read when you get home in the eveningIf you don’t live all by yourself, it might be hard to get some alone time to catch up on your reading.    So if this is the case, you could always head to a nearby coffee shop or library to decompress with a good story before heading to sleep for the night.But if you have no problem carving out time for a page-turner in the quiet comfort of your own home, read away!